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User blog:Nikki Lee 1999/NikkiLee rants: Aloha can suck it.
Sorry for the non-creative title, but Aloha can indeed suck it. Here's the shitty trailer: Alec Baldwin's shitty intro I have to admit, I was excited when I saw Alec Baldwin. You really can't go wrong with Alec: The Cat in the Hat, Along Came Polly, Cats & Dogs, The Adventures of Pluto Nash. And it all seems good until about 20 seconds into the video. silence (lol, this is going to be good) Bradley Cooper: "Well I remember the good times." (He musta gotten in trouble) Alec Baldwin: "THERE WERE NO GOOD TIMES!" (Haha, Roast him Baldwin!) Alec: "You cost us our prime new partner, a new space command center, all gone, because 'cool-guy' here, Mr. Sexy pants, Brian Gilcrest, blew the mission!" (Oh no xD, he's really getting chewed out now) Alec: "You are going to wear this, like Flava Flav wears a clock" (Uh, wtf?) Yeah, that's seriously what he says. There's no indication that the story takes place a decade ago, except for that extremely outdated reference. Think of all the more modern references he could have made: "You're going to wear this like Bruno Mars wears a fedora." "You're going to wear this like Lady Gaga wears Kermit the Frogs" "You're going to wear this like Ke$ha wears glitter" "You're going to wear this like Lady Gaga wears bubbles" "You're going to wear this like 2 Chainz wears two chains" "You're going to wear this like Lady Gaga wears spikes" "You're going to wear this like Justin Timberlake wears a suit and tie" "You're going to wear this like Lady Gaga wears slime" "You're going to wear this like Macklemore wears your grandma's clothes" "You're going to wear this like Lady Gaga wears meat" "You're going to wear this like Shia Labeouf wears a paper bag over his head." Seriously, the possibilities are endless. The only reason I stopped the list is because I ran out of Lady Gaga outfits to put in between them. And when you get down to it, the line is especially stupid because all it means is that he would wear it often. There are a million ways to say it, but you went with a Flava Flav reference. The shitty Indie movie tone Next up is the shitty Indie-movie tone. Complete with Mumford and Sons music. I don't know if the song was by Mumford and Sons. I just know when I hear it, I want to not hear it, and my mind immediately turns to Mumford and Sons. It's something that a lot of movies try to do in order to appear deep without actually being deep at all. It's the kind of thing you'll see parodied in American Dad episode "Independent Movie" and in the Honest Trailer for Boyhood. Anyway, it's all bullshit and nothing funny or interesting happens in the rest of the trailer. It takes place in a weird backwards world You may have noticed that it takes place in Hawaii and yet the cast is nothing but White people. If you didn't know, Hawaii is the least white state in the US. It's about 1/4 white and 2/3 Asian or Pacific Islander. As some others have pointed out, it would be like if Roger and Hammerstein's "Oklahoma!" had been given an entirely black cast. Or if "Straight Outta Compton" was nothing but Chinese guys. And not only does this alternate universe contain a still relevant Flava Flav, and an all-white Hawaii, but also apparently a world in which the dude from The Office is more attractive than Bradley Cooper. Apparently, John Krasinski is "a little too handsome" to ever see Bradley Cooper as a threat. vs But while Jim/John may be a lot more attractive than Bradley Cooper, neither are nearly as attractive as Flava Flav. Category:Blog posts